The Effects of DroughtLander

Did I even know what that simple wee phrase “Droughtlander” would grow into the first time I used it in this meme all those years ago? That’s a hard no…droughtlander

I didn’t have a clue that everyone and their dog would be using it to describe the time between seasons of our favourite show Outlander.  I can thank Diana Gabaldon for posting that particular blog on her facebook page and sending it into Outlander history.  That link has since died because our group found our own identity as the ABOotlanders so you can read it HERE at its relocated addy.

The interesting thing about a drought is the impact it has on the environment around it. In the case of #Droughtlander…the impact largely falls on the fandom.

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Us ABOotlanders are a hearty bunch.  During Droughtlander we get by on help from our neighbours. We share our resources.  This includes talking about the days of all the Outlander, reading about the Outlander and how plentiful and fantastic the Outlander days were. Yes…and how we know that one day the Outlander will return.  We find it immensely therapeutic.

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Alas, there are the people who are crawling across the droughtlander fields gasping for breath, ridden with anxiety & depression because the Outlander hasn’t touched their lips for too long.  They can’t see the Outlander in the forecast & will do anything to make the oasis a reality in their everyday…except instead of embracing the good they are allowing the drought to blur their vision of the good it started as. Instead of remembering the things they love they are focusing on things like the bad taste the lack of Outlander has left in their mouth.

2001

Droughts cause migration…migration of people to other things.  This is normal…when the Outlander comes back – so will the people and so will more.  Some people might not come back and that’s o.k.  Making their life with another fascination or love.  That has nothing to do with the drought itself but the way they chose to deal with it,their choice isn’t wrong. It is what is best for them.

You know droughts also cause wildfires? All you have to do is take a peek behind the curtain of this fandom to see that.  The small flames of discontent are there but unless individuals fan those flames they will never catch & become a disaster. When a spark comes your way, put it out.  How do you do that? Don’t respond.  Don’t blow on it, don’t give it the air it needs to grow. Yes, it is that simple.

giphy

Most droughts don’t have that surety of ending, ours does. Droughtlander never lasts forever but the things we say & do during the drought does.  If we seek out the cracks, we will fall through them.  If we seek out the light, we will feel the warmth.

Let’s do our very best to keep our faces to the sun. That means our heads are tipped back enjoying a bevvy. The true remedy for #Droughtlander.

amen

SherryLynn

ABOotlander Founder & Lover of all things happy!

 

 

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There are some Heart Stones I would like to travel through. 4 yrs please.

Us ABOotlanders are great at tickling your funny bone. We know. You have told us.  We are also good at making you think. We know. We have offended you.

shrug

Oh…offended…that’s when you identify personally with what I am saying. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Today, we are going to maybe make you think about those who have left this world a little earlier than you wanted them to.

4 years ago today. I received an unexpected message. Brig, my Original Outlander partner in crime, died. She…just…was….gone.

My heart hurts.

My heart hurts.

I hadn’t spoken to her for a long time.  Regret. Guilt. Both set in.  So…I go through my very own mental stones.  The stones of my heart. To the moments we shared.

Courtesy of Outlander Starz

This is where I smile.

Brig & I.

menbrig

Discovering Outlander together. Devouring the books. Brig called me laughing one night saying “I can’t believe what I did, I told Tom I was sick, put the book under my sweater (it probably had flowers on it…I loved her sweaters) and went to bed to read.” This was SO funny because really, you never met a more pragmatic woman…as Brig. She was GERMAN. Very German. She taught me so much about life.

We would go for coffee at the local Timmie’s in Pembroke, Ont. This is when they had a smoking FishBowl built in.  We would smoke & drink coffee after coffee.  Don’t judge eh?  The ventilation was awesome I tell ya! *cough* This was a looooooong time ago!

YAK YAK *cough* *cough* YAK YAK

YAK YAK *cough* *cough* YAK YAK

We talked Jamie. We talked Claire. We talked the diabolical mind that was Diana Gabaldon & what it would be like to meet her one day. (The day I finally did. I thought of Brig…and she was gone.)  Brig was so enamored with Jamie & she was the first of us to bring up the chance of a movie. The more discussion we had on the subject…we came to the conclusion. A movie would NEVER do.  They would have to make a TV series out of this but boy would what we knew of TV have to change. Brig said boobs on TV would happen. Men pay for porn why not people paying for TV? She was a smart woman. Telling the future and shit.  She was a witchy woman. Her hubby called ME Dragon Lady but his own wife – she was the scary one!  Another reason I loved her so much. She was always thinking out of the box with me. She never called me crazy when I did it. O.k. She DID call me crazy but ran right along with me! Ok…she walked, we didn’t like running…it made us breath heavy – could have been all the smoking back then. The things you you do when your young…*shake my head*

OWYS

When we talked about Jamie, we were pretty singular in our thinking. There was NO ONE that could play the part. O.K. There was but we hadn’t met him yet. 1st-  He had to be a theatrically trained actor. HAD to.  No one else could possible catch those nuances. No one. 2nd- He had to be a Scot. Not to be able to do the accent but to be able to get to the heart of Jamie. C’mon, you know it as well as we do, an Englishman or an American could NOT capture the heart of who Jamie is…get that connection. Nope…can’t ever convince me. Jamie is not just a character. Brig used to say Jamie IS the Highlands so if he comes to life only a Scot can dig into that. It always made sense to me. 3rd- He couldn’t be a big star. Why? Because people had to be able to see him become Jamie. Not see whatever other roles he had played over shadow this one.

You know what else I think of when I think of Brig?  Besides the fact that this woman passed away before ever seeing the EXACT version of her Jamie come to life?

She never got the chance to complain about it. She never got the chance to whine about inconsistencies in the show or pick it apart. Lily of the valley or Claire’s squished boobs – you know why? Because she passed away before her dream of seeing it become a reality came about.  Not that she would have because she likely would have felt extraordinarily grateful for being alive to see the pictures come to fruition in front of her. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the fact that we have the right to complain, the ability to see nuances or just because we can…we forget…to be happy or grateful for what we have…that WE CAN – and to simply live in the light of that.

roses

I hadn’t spoken to Brig for a couple of years before she died. I moved away from the place we lived, life got busy…you know. Life goes on. Until it doesn’t.  And then we wish we could go back.

I know for a fact, if Brig didn’t die.  Outlander, the TV show, would have been the thing that brought us back together…and that makes me so so sad.  Every time I hear the opening credits, every time & I do mean everytime, I see Sam Heughan as Jamie…I think of Brig, I say to myself “Are you SEEING this?” I know she would go into “SQEEEE times 3” mode. Believe me, Brig was NOT the SQEEE kinda gal but for this…she would be shocking everyone in her life.  We would be back on the phone laughing; like the years we didn’t talk, never happened. We would be sharing our memories like we WILLED these moments to happen. She would have adored Caitriona Balfe. Strong women were her kryptonite. It was the one thing she strove for – to be sure her daughter was a strong woman, independent. Brig knew her parents loved her, and she loved them. Physical love however wasn’t a strong presence in her upbringing. She promised herself, her little girl wasn’t going to grow up like that. She was going to be hugged, loved & shown she was the most important person in this world & could do anything she wanted. I have seen that girl grow into a woman…and now a mother of a little girl that Brig didn’t get to hold.

Outlander would have brought me and Brig back to all of these things.  We would be doing our form of Fangirling all over again. But we aren’t…because she’s not and it breaks my squeeing heart.

Brig wherever you are, it’s happening. I hope you can see it.  I hope you can read over Diana’s shoulder to see what I can’t. I hope you can watch the filming, where I can’t.

You have a beautiful grand-daughter …

madelyn

Beautiful wee lassie Madelyn Brigitte

staring up at you. I hope she will grow up knowing her Glamma was one of the original Outlander Fangirls.

I hope you have a peaceful heavenly birthday. Blow out those candles Brig, you know…like the good old days.

You know BLOW is just an expression RIGHT!? We are in PUBLIC!

You know BLOW is just an expression RIGHT!?
We are in PUBLIC! *She loved me*

I miss you my original Outlander Posse…with all my heart.brig n me

SL Heughliot @Large

POSTSCRIPT

Before you ASSume that our time in our fishbowl is what caused Brigs death – it’s not, not even close.

BE KIND! Few things piss me off more than people saying someone “asked” to die because of behaviours or risks they take in life.  It is THEIR life…THEIR risks. We all do take risks but it doesn’t mean we want to die. To hell with this foolishness that people deserve death because they took the skihill beyond their capabilities, or they became addicted to something, or they loved to hard, or they were sick…to hell with that. SO THERE.

Outlander Bedtime Stories – Droughtlanders in the Bedroom

I have been reading the Outlander books for over 20 yrs. Repeatedly. I have hardcover copies, tattered & well loved paper back copies, a kobo ebook with all the books & the audio books in my vehicle so I can listen to them wherever I go.

Which has made for some fun conversations with Diana Gabaldon on Twitter. Oh that woman is fun! DG n MEdg n me 2

You might say I have a problem…it’s that whole #cracklander dealio we first talked about in October.  You know something…I still have my teeth, I don’t get the shakes there are no open sores.  I might occasionally sweat a little bit – maybe I twitch but you have no idea how cute I look when I do it – so IT’S ALL GOOD!

My husband…my dear, sweet wonderful husband.  I have been with him for over 26 yrs, married going on 22.

Insert AWWWWW here We were always friggen adorable. Don’t mind the porn stach…it was the 80’s…we both regret it

He was never a friend of #JAMMF.  Just never liked him. Always saying his name in a high pitched whine. Jaaaaaaaammmiiiiiieeeeee! Referred to as my book boyfriend. The one who could do no wrong.

It was subtle. Annoying. A little funny at times as he really knew only little tidbits he saw on the back of a random book or heard what a friend & I  talking about over coffee w our SIGHING, Oooh Jamie’s & generally fangirling before we even knew what the hell fangirling was.

fangirls

It did however, look like this, even 20 years ago- at my kitchen table.

It was just a slight hate on and general discontent UNTIL…they announced…THE SHOW…and Jamie had a real live FACE. It was Sam Heughan bringing James Fraser to life. DUN DUN DUN! and…really….what a face. AMMIRIGHT?

He HAD said, many years ago…he refused to read the book but if they ever made it a TV show. He’d watch it…Fat chance I thought. Like that would ever happen. It would have to be EPIC. My first kitchen table girlfriend Brig (RIP Brig) & always said Jamie would have to be an unknown, a Scot, & preferably a theater actor…

Good Shudder

They went ahead and rang our bell 3 times! Ugh! *SQUIRREL*

SO HA! I got him.

*In his defense* The man, who is my husband, doesn’t read ANYTHING.  Ok…thats a lie, if it has glossy pages and hangs over the back of the toilet, he will take a minute or two.

This means, we watched.I was surprised he gave it chance. He loved it. Not just because of THE BENEFITS. He loved Claire, her character (he’s a dude, he likes her bewbs too, not gonna lie). Dougal…badass supreme…and once the series went on hiatus he hit the WTF happens next wall???

Well…I knew…he knew HOW I knew…and he knew I would read it again & he hates reading so…HE ASKED ME TO READ IT TO HIM! *THUD*  No way?  A dream come friggen true!  He wants me…to read my favourite story…to him…at night…before we fall asleep? Every night? What the who?

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

There have been many times I thought I hit the husband jackpot. Seriously. The dude is a chef. He does laundry. Brings me coffee in the mornings. Washes dishes. Rubs my feet & I don’t even spend a lot of time on the suckers… This was the million dollar spin my people…the million dollar mutherstinkin spin! All because he can’t stand not KNOWING! He knew the info was out there in the form of a book, a really big book. If it looked like this…playboysthat would be a maybe for on his own but it doesn’t so it became our little bedtime ritual. I didn’t realize how entertaining he was going to be.  When we got to Dragonfly in Amber (which we are 34% through now)  I started hashtagging it on twitter. #Outlander #bedtimestories for anyone that might be interested.

I am going to flash back a bit here to show you a little of what the late night reads of Outlander sounded like…

“Wait…Dougal has hair?” “What colour is rustit?”  Apparently…understanding the TV & my reading is just as easy…russet…not rustit…I still had to explain what colour russet was too. It’s that same colour as rustit if you are curious. You will get about 50 different shades if you hit the google when you look for russet…look up rustit, you are on your own. Russet

“Jelly is just as freaky in the book” Jelly is what he calls Geillis – if you didn’t catch that on your own.

“Ok. I knew why you were hot for Jamie when I watched him in the show but this lady writes him like a GOD! Who can compete with that?” Oh babe…you can. When I close my eyes. Heehee. My man does dishes & laundry. Huge score.

I find it highly annoying that my man figures things out in the read. Like people don’t really die. I was always shocked when someone popped up later in the book. Him, when you hear of their death, he says something like “Yep RIGHT! Bet they come back! That lady (DG) seems like she likes to mess with peoples heads!”

When we got to Wentworth things got uncomfortable.  Hubs knew the outcome of what BJR did to Jamie. He used to tease my friends and I all the time. His lame attempts to make Jamie seem less masculine. “He gets it in the bum you know? Right!?”

In the where!?

In the where!?

Yeah… I never said he was the most mature ok?

That was his way of emasculating this book hero that he was jealous of. It became his “go to line”.

But…no…not butt. But, work with me people.

It was bedtime story time.  Claire found Jamie. I was shocked at his reaction. He cried. My husband.

Shhhh 'sok

Shhhh ‘sok

He cried when Claire left him behind. I always cried & he went ahead & cried along with me “There’s something in my eye. It’s Claire. God, Diana is good. This part is gonna be tough to watch for real.” For REAL! He said for real. These characters have become real for him. The lump in my throat became a physical thing I had to swallow.

*GULP*

I was a little surprised when he didn’t blink that Claire killed a wolf. WITH her bare hands. “Yeah…Claire killed a wolf. Now if she’d been drinking like she always does..she would have become kibble, tasty kibble, whisky kibble.” Point made.

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He knew what was coming next & all joking was aside, well maybe not all…guys gotta remain macho. “I don’t think I shoulda ate those chicken wings, my belly is a bit shaky.” “Marley – dude- you are givin me an innie.”  & the forever famous “How am I ever supposed to get a boner again after hearing you read this stuff?”

tear

No. More. Boners.Ever.

We got through Wentworth with more than a few “Holy shits” “Htf can someone even THINK of that kinda stuff to write it down?” & “I don’t even know if I can kiss your damn mouth after you said those gnarly things. “Jackie must not have been breast fed. Or loved. Ever.By anyone…was he left in a haystack by a pack of monkies?” He likes to call BJR Jackie. It is his way to emasculate HIM now.

It made me giggle when he asks to see the book jacket. “Let me see your book. I need to see who wrote this stuff again! Her? She doesn’t look like a twisted sicko…she looks sweet.Whats up with that?”

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She does look sweet does’t she? *wink*

Rescuing Jamie was a high point for him. He of course KNEW that would happen (as he reminded me OVER & OVER & OVER again) as I had 7 other books on my shelves. Who the hell did I think was the hero in those? DERP!

What kinda idiot did I think he was anyway?

idjut

Let’s not answer that right now.

However, the use of cows was a pretty “crazy ass” thing to do…and even though Dougal is one of his favourite characters in both Book & in the TV show, hubcycle mentioned numerous times he was extremely disappointed in the douche move of not helping Claire out in the rescue attempt.  Saying he missed out on some huge possible “cop a feel” points if Jamie was stuck there a while.

disapo

Dougal, you have let him down…so sad

He thinks if HE was Dougal, he would have (copped a feel is MY guess). So he made sure I knew that he hopes Ron fixes that. For the record, I think he believes he is most like Dougal. More because he thinks I am most like Geillis (It must be the bat shit crazy and that they like to bang boots).

He was a fan of the hand setting. All of the “cool & groady” comments clinched it &  he really enjoyed McRannoch. He however was not a fan of the “Crisco bum” moment as he called it. For him, some things are better left unimagined. He really would rather not think about that any more than he had to.

No can commute.Delete now.

No can compute.Delete now.

Hubilicious wondered out loud if they will change the soldier that Claire kills from a 16 yr old boy to a young man…you know so all the ladies won’t get their panties turned inside out. Don’t get your panties turned inside out because I recounted his thoughts verbatim.  We both know THAT is going to be hard to watch too if they stay with that little fact. One of those things that make you go…hmmmm. Reading it is one thing…seeing it. Another.

The Abbey was hard enough for me to read on my own all 20 times I had done it.

drowning

The first time I have ever read it out loud to someone I love. THAT was tough. It was quiet. Intense. Raw. Intimate. He cried. Again. These characters have struck a chord in him.  He feels for them & with him. “You’re tearin my guts out. He said that right?”

Yeah. He did.

Until next time.

SL  ABOotlander gal

FAILANDER! Resolutions gone horribly wrong in the world of Outlander.

Naturally, us Heughliots can’t let any kind of event pass without throwing in our twisted two cents.  Even though we don’t use pennies in Canada anymore. We don’t, we ain’t lyin’…Google that.

2012-Canadian-Penny-and-Circulation-Roll

Who really makes resolutions that  don’t turn into disasters? Yeah…that’s exactly what we thought too. SO, why should our larger-than-life, super awesome characters in Outlander be any different right? RIGHT?

Yeah…let’s get this puck on the ice!

Type as fast as ya think!

Let’s start with everyone’s favourite villain. BJR. Big Jerk Randall.

badbjr

He thought he would try to be a better person. Thought he could go that extra mile to be a kinder, gentler soul. He thought he could be more personable. My mother *Rest her Soul* used to have a saying. “You thought you farted but you shit yourself.”  That is about right for BJR and his resolution. JUST you wait and dig into our next 8 episodes! You will almost wish Droughtlander lasted a little longer when you see some of this stuff!

goodguyfail

#GoodGuyFAIL

Claire. Our sweet soberphobic, getting ClaireDrunk, always with the check liver meter…Claire.

claire booze

Naturally she thought it would be a good idea to lay off the booze. Ha…ha…hahahahaha!

Oh lawd...that's rich. RICH I tell ya

The liquor refill light went on after about 15 minutes. The poor lassie was sank…sunk…drunk.

#EPICOnTheWagonFAIL

       #EPICOnTheWagonFAIL

You wouldn’t think a witch would want to give up anything would you? However, Geillis was finding herself a bit too dependent on the herbs. She does not get that crazy ass look in her eye for no reason people.

Legal in Canada. Shhhh

Legal in Canada. Shhhh

C’mon! That lasted about as long as Arthurs next bout of flatulence – she had to use something to clear the air. It was the most potent kind of smoke around.

buzzfail

#BuzzFAIL

Iona McTavish. No she wasn’t a major player in the Outlander world but you all know how important she is to us.  This lady resolved to get a new damned dress for the next gathering. How insulting of Mrs.Fitz!diana fitz Then she realized, SHE still fit into HER dress. HA! She would show them (Read, Mrs.Fitz)  and STILL fit into it at the NEXT gathering as well. BEASTLY woman!

#FEKITNotaFAIL

#FEKITNotaFAIL

Everyone loves them some good ole Rupert. Rupert is cuddly, soft, bearded, Angus’ best friend and Dougal’s right hand man. He wants to be more independent though. Wants to explore the world of Rupert. Find himself.

That’s Right.

Damned if he ended up under yet another juicy hen though. He doesn’t seem to mind. It is his happy place!

#GetLuckyFAIL

#GetLuckyFAIL

Our Dougal vowed to try and make his way out of Doucheville this year. Hmmmm.  We admit, with all the punching out his friends and hitting on his new niece-in-law, he was getting fair comfortable there. The start of his resolution he went on a wee trip out of Doucheville. However, we are afraid he took a wrong turn and ended up in Arseton.

Look out for holes Dougal!
Look out for holes Dougal!

 

#DIRECTIONFAIL

#DIRECTIONFAIL

The beasts are never safe with Angus around.

They shake in his presence. He decided that enough was enough. He would be sure  to stay outta the barns and leave them to their feed. Instead..he ended up too far into his cups one eve and found himself some bigger boots to hold ’em still…sheep

Yes, it must be why zippers were invented. So the wee beasties could hear them comin’…

OMFAIL

#OldMacDonaldFAIL EiEiOOOOOOOO

 

Laoghaire. We aren’t going to play the mean girl card and call her leghair or lo’whore or any of those other mean names people call her…SO rude!

She is just one failed resolution after another failed resolution. Since she was a wee hussy…I mean lassie. She has vowed to get tapped by JAMMF, why should this year be any different?  She resolved to do the same. Yet, she asked for help from the wrong herbnerd didn’t she? Ended up with a handful of horseshit.

Yup. She sure has a purdy mouf.

Yup. She sure has a purdy mouf.

She will keep trying though…stay tuned. Grumble Grumble.

#StinkyFAIL

#StinkyFAIL

We have gotten used to Mrs Fitz stealing the screen. Whether it’s greeting the boys when they return home, telling men of the cloth where to put their holy water, insulting great authors, or smacking errant visitors around (dream sequences or no – that shit freaked a lot of people out! It’s funny NOW)

We like Mrs.Fitz who keeps our blood pressure in check

We like Mrs.Fitz who keeps our blood pressure in check

She has obviously resolved to rule with an iron fist. We’d say she has done it – maybe she’ll try an iron pot next.

We do hope you realize that there are a lot of viewers with heart conditions or that are just wound extra tight (View most FB groups, it will take you seconds to spot them)…let’s not do anymore of that crazy stuff again. Stay the hero aye? I’m not sure WHO I’m talking to anymore…either way…that’s a random.dsw

 

Poor, Poor Jamie. His resolution is all about self preservation. JAMMF is really tired of getting his arse whooped. I mean wouldn’t you be? Go picking hay, run back to the house, get your ass whooped. Go to hall to watch…get your ass whooped. Sit around a fire eating some dinner, get your ass whooped. Go to prison…super get get your ass wholloped.

Don't you wanna just take him home and make it aaaaall better?

Don’t you wanna just take him home and make it aaaaall better?

He just wants to stop getting his ass handed to him whenever he turns around. BUT BUT BUTT.…He doesn’t get very far does he, the wee bugger?

Everyone has to wait for Wentworth to see….that’s a

#SuperDooperPooperEpicFAIL

#SuperDooperPooperEpicFAIL

There is the man that it all started with Frank Randall, he is the resolution king!  He is firm in his belief he WILL find his wife. She is out there somewhere.  He has beat himself up so much this year over her loss. Should he have paid more attention to her? She did, after all, disappear from right under his nose…he sure liked having her under his nose. He looked downtown and he looked uptown…He would not stop looking!frank

 

Oh Frank. This is NOT your year buddy. Just saying, and I don’t think things are gonna get much better. For a while. SPOILER. We are supposed to say that first aren’t we? Nuts.

#SearchFAIL

#SEARCHFAIL

 

Just so you are aware. There is no way I am making any resolutions. I am far too smart for that. I don’t set myself up for failure.

What us Heughliots do…we try our very best to be better people than we were yesterday…and we do that, everyday.

Being Kind is SEXY. Maybe creepy sexy but we don't mind. RAWR

Being Kind is SEXY. Maybe creepy sexy but we don’t mind. RAWR

We think that is the answer to having a better year. See? We aren’t just pretty faces. We are pretty friggen smart too!

What do you all think? Yes…of us being smart. No, ya wankers. Of resolutions or not…

This has been brought to you by us!

SL, Heughliot @Large

and the Grand Poobah  tlmfarmgirl with lots of support and a dram from @janzen77– she’s the pretty one.

12 Days of Christmas – Heughliot Style

It’s early ya say? Uh-huh. That’s what us Canadians do when we think we might get snowed in or some such nonsense. We take precautions and get stuff done. READ: So we can get our drink on. 

So grab yourself snowbeer outta your snowfridge (It maybe a Canadian thing…it may not) and sing along.

beer fridge

We’re no dummies!  Hold onto yer toques, cuz here we go!

Sing it with us...

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY JAMIE GAVE TO MEEEEEEEEEE:

 

12 Twelve Heughli-hearts a drumming

x's 12 of these suckers...ummmm pounders...we are literal around here.

x’s 12 of these suckers…ummmm pounders…we are literal around here.

Heughliots

Shameless self promotion for our freaking fabulous group of Heughliots. Yeah that’s right. US. Well, a box of 12 assorted us’s anyway.

 

 

11Eleven Highland Pipers

 

No matter how you flip your screen over or blow their sporrans…the kilts will not move. Someone told me.

These lovely laddies are from the Seaforth Highlanders of Canada. They, are in fact based out of B.C. but they DO perform in Alberta. We are equal opportunity here with the Heughliots. Lots of B.C. fangirls. We are preachin it!

Honest- we were going to say something about 11 pipeliners…cuz you know. Oil n stuff…our Scottish friends – we have that in common, but politics – like unshaven legs, makes prickly bedfellows so, nope, not saying NUTHIN ’bout THAT!

eyelashes

 

 

 

british banknote 10 pounds sterling obverse

 Ten Redcoats fleeing

We know…We know…there are not 10 Red Coats in the picture. The way I see it, once the tears in your eyes blur your vision enough, it will LOOK like 10. I …can’t…stop…laughing.

 

I don’t why I found this but I did…and I almost pee’d

 


animated_9 (2)

 

Nine druids dancing

1    2     3     4    5     6    7  ummm  sure  8 & 9. Yup. Right there. Behind that stone.

 

Passed out. Bit drunk. Friends of Claire and let’s face it…any friend of Claire is a friend of ours.

Next Soberphobic meeting is at the Bothy…local pub,next month. Be there or be square!  Naturally we must mention, The Bothy was voted one of THE top Bars in CANADA .  Look ! All you have to do is google “Best Whisky Bar in Edmonton” the google machine does not lie. Right?

 

 

number-8Eight maids a waulking…wool  

(See, it isn’t just Canadians that throw random “u”‘s in words.)

Waulking wool..wet…juicy wool. You know the pissy kind. It sets the dye faster.

This is just one of the things that Diana Gabaldon teaches us. The woman is a walking encyclopedia. To learn from her just GO HERE!

woolwaulkers

 

 

 

 

 

#7

 Seven corns a grindin’ 

Grinding what? You might ask? Who, I might suggest.

corn grinders

We have the sweet Candy Corn.   The Canned English Corned Beef.   The 4 cobs of Corn…one looks a bit stunted in his niblets, does he not?  Oh,  we could not forget our Ole horn dog…*ahem* Corn Dog. (And that’s his stick! STICK. You dirty bunch of…)

 

 

6_3

Six; bad advice for laying

…frig knows Jamie got enough to pass on. Let’s see. Where shall we start?

6– Go as fast as ya can. Get it over with! FOREPLAY is a word…a long word for a reason. *Bad Advice Rating- 8 STARS*

5 Always do it from behind. Granted, the faces ya all make can be a bit of a turn off, we do like to kiss your faces and sometimes  you look super cute. *Bad Advice Rating -5 STARS- from behind is sometimes fun*

4– Don’t take your shirt or boots off. No one wants to see you naked. The reason our happy parts are so far down is so we can have fun taking our clothes off to get to them. SHEESH! *Bad Advice Rating- 7 STARS- Socks are a different story in Canada in the winter…effin cold out there.*

3– Don’t talk during sex. It’s distracting. Pardon? This might be the most important time to communicate. That hurts. That feels good. Stop that. Do that more. *Bad Advice Rating -7 Stars- If you are talking about whats on the TO-DO list for tomorrow…and it isn’t me, then we have a problem.*

2– Stay in one position. Don’t move. That’s a sure fire way to get a cramp. Switch it up. Get creative. Be the twister of the bed sheets. *Bad Advice Rating -8 Stars- That kinda non-action can be …yawn…pretty boring…monotony in the bedroom…no fun.

1– Spit on it. JUST NO. *Bad Advice Rating -100 Stars- JUST NO!

 

 

#5 Five goooooooolden drammmmmmmmms (of Whisky!)

Dram

 

…and yes…we KNOW shots are WAY more than drams but – this was way more fun.

We took bets would Tammy pull a “Jamie on a boat”, or would Tammy not pull a “Jamie on a boat”.  We MEAN PUKE…*sigh* … can’t say any damn thing around you people.  She didn’t.  Sweet Jezuz was the ride home interesting though!

 

 

Outlander

 

Four Calling Clansmen

– or women in a parkling lot after a party- ya know…whateves.

There were no Heughliots hurt in the making of this video. Except maybe feelings.

 

 

countdown-gif-10

 

Three French Hooooooors

We might not be french but we are a reasonable facsimile for the other thing.

 

 

#2 Two beavers ahhh..rogering

Hey we’re Canadian – Our porn is on the national geoGRAPHICside. Unshaved beavers EVERYWHERE.  If you thought…for 2 seconds, you were going to get through this CANADIAN blog…without seeing or hearing about beavers, that is your own fault.  Remember…fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice, shame on me…fool me three times… it must be CHRISTMAS.  Besides, its Toger.  THE cutest damn beaver in history. He even has a story.

anita toger

Even our mascot Toger has to look for some love outside of getting harassed by wee Angus.

 

 

 

#1

And a pearl necklace draped o’er ME

pearl necklace

The PEARL Necklace and all insinuation that goes with it.

 

Yes. Me. We understand that “ME” means you…and YOU…and YOU. WE…get it.

 

We certainly hope you enjoyed the HEUGHLIOTS take on the 12 days of Christmas. We were early for Thanksgiving. We brought #Droughtlander to you. We only thought it right the 12 days be a smidge early too.

With that…

Nollaig chridheil agus bliadhna mhath ùr!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

From the Heughliots of ALBERTA

 ALL 167 locals that is

Here, you have a small # of the Heughliots in the Wild. A rare creature…don’t turn your back on them. You may find yourself goosed or better.

 

This blog brought to you by the twisted minds of Admin Tammy & SL Heughliot @ Large and many random suggestions & ideas from the HEUGHLIOT ladies *ahem* (term used lightly / loosely) event.

Please feel free to comment. We read everything #AssumingPositiveIntent so even if  you are trying to be mean…it will only stick to you-

To Excite and Entice. No?

To Excite and Entice. No?

Idle minds start an Outlander Styled Commune on Deserted Scottish Isle. Way To Go Starz.

Now you’ve done it!  165 women…and counting- because wait until the other Outlander ladies in Alberta here about THIS plan. They are gonna be ALL up in our grill.  It is going to be like an episode of the Littlest Hobo being followed down that secluded highway in the middle of Ontario- only they will be on the shoulder of the QE 2 in Alberta…so much more dangerous. We are badasses like that, doncha know.

hobostreet

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down…in Scotland…LET’S GO MY BITCHES!

It has come to our attention there is an Island for sale in the extreme north of Scotland. We have mentioned we are Canadian right. Extreme north is like saying our BACKYARD. No biggy eh? They also said it was a LONELY island. All that envokes from these Canadian lasses is a in unison “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww – it’s loooooonely.  It needs a big ole Canadian bear hug. Poor little scottish isle!”

kirkpoutSo…what do the Heughliots decide? We are a smarticle bunch I tell you. It’s like we can solve all the worlds problem from a FB group.

So. It’s 250,000 pounds stirling you say eh buddy? Ok…so we do the conversion. Well, google does the conversion. Let’s not be silly. That makes it $444,896.03 Canadian dollars. (That does change by the hour so don’t send me an email telling me I’m wrong) There are 165 Heughliots, this means MATH.  I am not good at it but there is this real cool thing called a CAL-CU-LATOR that does the math for me. $2696.34 a piece.  We are not dumb girls (well except the Math thing – and that’s just me). We figure if we throw in $4000 a piece, we get the isle, lawyer fees & our airfare. Sorry- not sorry- family – I AM disappearing.  Our exotic Consuelo, thinks if you jack your investment to $6000 you also get to be one of the big guns that get first stake on the land holdings. It’s a good thing Raylean knows her math, she will be the isles accountant and sheriff, that way we can push her in a cell pretty easy if we have to.

The isle doesn’t seem too mountainous, so we need to build a munro. We figure we will build it of live lassies. And invite Sam Heughan and his friends to come bagg us. I think it would make for a fun interactive afternoon and could be quite challenging for all of us!

heughliot baggin

BEST MUNRO EVER!

So yeah…we are getting shit figured out here right good. Kathy P. She is a mental health teacher and obviously girlfriend has her work cut out for her with this lot. She might just have the hardest job on the island so she is very important to us. Not to mention she will be channeling her inner Ian because she is a wicked hand with a bow and can fish like Rollo. Really, this girl will be guarded. Tammy & Christine will be her Angus and Rupert. They may be drunk on the whisky cache half the time but that’s ok. Girls gotta do what girls gotta do. Plus think, if Cait gets a day off from filming. She has some like minded women to escape to. Eat, drink & drink. Drink some more. I am pretty sure Karen will learn how to make the stuff…

whisky

I am pretty sure our whisky cache will last 3 hours, 22 minutes and 33 seconds.

We are pretty modern folk, and this island, even though, we wouldn’t be going “back” in time, doesn’t have running water and power would need to be wind generated. Obviously, we have PLENTY of hot air.  It will be a bit of life lesson for most of us.  I am thinking many of our members will be bar wenches and on our board of directors.  It has been spoken by Raylean & Lee that body searches and auditions from the mainland WILL be needed. In fact, they are demanding them. Naturally- some of these Moms will want to bring their children. I demand we put the wee buggers into servitude.

What the Hell dude!?

UGH! Children

But for the jobs those little weak people can’t do and the houses they can’t build, we need to hire some hot men in kilts. JOB FAIR TIME! We expect a HUGE influx of hot men in kilts in canoes (they have canoes in Scotland don’t they?) Anyway, they will paddle their way into our hearts. Across the loch to Linga they will come. Applying for all the jobs we don’t want to do, but want to WATCH them do. Imagine them walking up the sandy shores into the cells we have built for them. Oh …um…wait. Delete that last statement from your frontal lobe.

Heeeeeere’s HOWIE! This man and his 21 St Century Kilts! Yeah…I have a business boner for this guy! He makes kilts…hot kilts!Wait, that’s redundant!

That sounded a bit crazy. We wont lock them up all the time, we do expect them to earn their keep.

K4

Yup, that’ll do it

The more we discuss this. The more it seems to be a reality in our fantasies.

My friends. The Canadian government got rid of the penny last year. This means the Heughliots have a lot of damn pennies laying around. They are in our junk drawers in the kitchen. They are rolled in our basement laundry room. They are in our spare room closets. They are also in our kids underwear drawers and on top of our fridges in a bowl or old coffee mug. We have them in our offices, in our pen holders…in short, no wait, that was long – we have damn pennies EVERYWHERE!  So we can afford the adorable lil island that is hugged by the Shetland Islands…like EASY!

SCOTTISH ISLE LINGA

Scottich Isle of Linga…FOR REALS!

As you might have noticed, are an eclectic group.  We can make this a functional, effective & productive place.  We have lots of talent too. Cathy, has the nursing covered. So she is our Claire…she can take care of anyone that needs it. Vitalia is our herbalist. She makes all sort of neat stuff, medicines & organic off the land foods, shampoos, candles, this neat stuff called Poo-be-Gone that makes your shit not stink (not that mine does anyway but these other folks…-our privies are going to smell like roses).She’s like a witch! If she goes of the rails…we will have our first trial and burn her or something fun like that.15 burn witch not ok

Sharon, she knits all sorts of Mrs. Fitz type stuff. So she will keep super busy keeping us all warm! Girlfriend has mad skills! Sandra can bake bread so she and Consuelo will cook up a storm. Us bitches need food. They’s cray cray but we will put up with them if they feed us. It’s simple.  There are plenty of Mom’s on our group – so they can chip in there. Kerri is our animal whisperer. There is lots of wildlife on that island…some we will eat. Some we will train – rephrase- some Kerri will train.

Personally,  I love to tell people what to do & how to do it so I will keep these people from killing each other.

Plus, I can shoot a gun.  I won’t clean what I shoot…there is bound to be someone there that will. We brought the men in for more than one reason…speaking of which-

Red will run our Bawdy house…you know, some of those boys will probably just be pretty. Everyone will have a place.

sit kilt

We have someone that will be keeping chronicle of our time there. Nikki…she is a great artist so she will be painting as we go. Like Brianna would have if she had come along with us…and if she gets crabbit and bitchy…we will take turns calling her Jocasta. Hmmmm, wait, never mind, I don’t want me to go down in history looking like this.

Study-Girl-Mr-Bean-dailyfunnyphotos.com_

Kim keeps us all in check and will be our pseudo lawyer- Nedesque. Wendy & Wendy are jacks of all trades plus Cheryl & her mom Lesley babysit us all. Everyone needs the Bugs – well, without the psycho part. This is the commune that has it all. You know you wanna hang with us. We will have a Bed & Breakfast on the Isle and will start taking reservations in 2016.

May I mention, the last known inhabitant of this island…1931 was CAPTAIN JAMES FRASER!!!

WHAT THE WHA?!?!

holy

That is some crazy jacked up shit! I really wonder if the seller threw that in there to get some crazy Outlander fan to buy the island. Cuz…ummm…if they did. IT WORKED. 165 of us are throwing our pennies in the pot!  We might want to bring some of that with us. You know…to keep things interesting!

Go ahead, leave a comment, tell us how crazy we are- not that we aren’t aware.

SL Heughliot @ Large-

Here is a wee PostScript – there is an island for sale. No…the heughliots are not buying it. Satire my friends. Like 99.99% of all of our blog spurts. We aren’t very good at serious.

 

Canada Dry…not the pop- the time between Outlander Episodes 8 & 9. ORIGINAL

and here we sit. Waiting. This is what happens when you get addicted to Cracklander. You binge out and then there is a dry spell in town, problem is, we can’t hop in the car and go to the big city to score a hit or call Creepy Uncle Jack that Mom doesn’t ever want us to talk to…we have to wait it out.

bored

Do I look impressed? No…it’s because I’m not.

So, we wait.  It’s a reallllll good thing that I have a shit load of friends waiting with me, tappin their own veins until episode 9 airs.  Our American friends at least “know” their kill switch date.  Us up here, in the great white…well…we can only hope that Showcase gets it right this time. HINT HINT!  Nope. I am NOT known for subtly.

Can you hear me NOW?!

                                               Can you hear me NOW?!

As much as we like leftovers, we prefer not to have them – every – single – meal. Knowhatimsayin?

So? What shall we do while we wait?  I have some suggestions for you.

Not all of them are practical and not all of them will particularly help ease the pain.

We tend to either state the obvious, be incredibly sarcastic or...you know...pull shit like this.

We tend to either state the obvious, be incredibly sarcastic or…you know…pull shit like this.

My question to you now is… when have you known me to be practical or helpful? I’m here to entertain… or create a reasonable facsimile of humour in some form. I think you may be getting used to that concept by now eh?

We have to FIRST stop complaining that there is a break. There’s a break. Will complaining stop the break? Nooooooo…the break does not stop with the complaining. Yes, I am saying this to myself just as much as I am saying it to everybody else.

Even Jack can't take it any more

Even Jack can’t take it any more

The next step is to DO something about it.  We have to pass the time somehow. So LET’S get creative! Sure, some of us can knit (not me), some can make WONDERFUL fan videos, (not me), some can paint or draw, (not me) so the Not Me’s of the world…must do other things…here are some suggestions.

Take them in the spirit they are intended.

To Excite and Entice. No?

To Excite and Entice. No?

  • Find another addiction.   It’s what crackwhores do.  When the crack runs dries…the meth’ll do. So tune into The Walking Dead, catch up on a show you never watched like Breaking Bad, if there is still one or two of you out there that hasn’t seen it…or REALLY treat yourself and watch Republic of Doyle. I am not shitting you. That is some good TV right there!
    See how good that TV is?

    See how good that TV is? He has what we ladies call STUPIDMAKERS…those muscles that trail on down to his happy place…No idea what they are called…but ummmmm….DUH *drool* DUHsummore

    Or check something else out that captures your interest and makes you want to watch it again and again. Something that makes you want to research the characters, watch previous seasons, get the books. Whatever you need to do to fill the gaps of time. You know, about 6 months worth.

 

  • Read ALL the Gabaldon books. In my case…Re-Re-Re-Re-Re-Re(oh FFS you get the picture x 12) the books, throw in the novellas, the Lord John series, listen to the audio books by Davina Porter. That ought to keep you busy and out of touch with reality a good long while. We know Diana’s books are kinda on the large side…which is great…because when someone interrupts you while reading, you can throw it at their whole face. Not half, not just their nose or chin…their WHOLE face.                                                                                        Click right here if you want to know the chronological order of all the tomes. *PHEW-Big words n meanings…need a drink!*

 

  • Scour the interwebs for juicy gossip  interesting information about the show, cast & crew. This does not make you a stalker. It makes you curious. Curiosity is a good thing.  Remember when they said that when you were little? Yeah, just pretend that.

    There’s no problem here…carry on

 

  • Considering we are going to be waiting in Canada from the months Oct- probably around April/May. Shovel your snow, clean off your car, scrape the ice off your windows and watch some hockey games. AKA Be a Productive Human That ought to keep you plenty friggen busy eh?  Me…I do not choose to do those things. You will continue to see me right here. Typing out blogs for your viewing pleasure or roll your eyedom.
  • Last but not least…Get a life. BAHAHAHA! Who’m I kiddin right? WHO exactly spent a couple hours today writing this VERY blog? Yeah…this girl…
    Adamjkurtz.com  - You know you want this balloon. You Know you NEED this balloon

    That was mean. I shouldn’t have

    I just wanted to see your face when I said it. Too bad I can’t…I do have have a great imagination though. Thanks to Mr. Dress-Up, Casey & Finnagin all those years ago.  What I wouldn’t do for a Tickle Trunk today. Well I have the grown up version but a kids version would help pass the time too….never mind…the grown up version is just fine.

    Yep...mine's just a lil bigger.

    Yep…mine’s just a lil bigger.

    Needless to say, the Droughtlander will be over before we know it because well…the best way to get through ANY tough situation is to Get Claire Drunk and stay Claire drunk. Let’s face it. Us Canadians have livers of steel. If there is something we do, and do well. It’s drink. Wine, beer, rum, whisky, vodka, liqueurs…we are equal opportunity. Besides, it helps keep us warm over those cold winter months. We are not a stupid people.

    No I do not endorse alcoholism...but drunkenness is a whole other sandbox.

    No I do not endorse alcoholism…but drunkeness is a whole other sandbox

 

 

Stay warm Canada…and to our Outlander friends…we don’t like to drink alone so let’s get this party started. *HIC*

SL – Heughliot @ Large

Our original Blog date on this was in October…How Time Flies when you are being tortured…