FAILANDER! Resolutions gone horribly wrong in the world of Outlander.

Naturally, us Heughliots can’t let any kind of event pass without throwing in our twisted two cents.  Even though we don’t use pennies in Canada anymore. We don’t, we ain’t lyin’…Google that.

2012-Canadian-Penny-and-Circulation-Roll

Who really makes resolutions that  don’t turn into disasters? Yeah…that’s exactly what we thought too. SO, why should our larger-than-life, super awesome characters in Outlander be any different right? RIGHT?

Yeah…let’s get this puck on the ice!

Type as fast as ya think!

Let’s start with everyone’s favourite villain. BJR. Big Jerk Randall.

badbjr

He thought he would try to be a better person. Thought he could go that extra mile to be a kinder, gentler soul. He thought he could be more personable. My mother *Rest her Soul* used to have a saying. “You thought you farted but you shit yourself.”  That is about right for BJR and his resolution. JUST you wait and dig into our next 8 episodes! You will almost wish Droughtlander lasted a little longer when you see some of this stuff!

goodguyfail

#GoodGuyFAIL

Claire. Our sweet soberphobic, getting ClaireDrunk, always with the check liver meter…Claire.

claire booze

Naturally she thought it would be a good idea to lay off the booze. Ha…ha…hahahahaha!

Oh lawd...that's rich. RICH I tell ya

The liquor refill light went on after about 15 minutes. The poor lassie was sank…sunk…drunk.

#EPICOnTheWagonFAIL

       #EPICOnTheWagonFAIL

You wouldn’t think a witch would want to give up anything would you? However, Geillis was finding herself a bit too dependent on the herbs. She does not get that crazy ass look in her eye for no reason people.

Legal in Canada. Shhhh

Legal in Canada. Shhhh

C’mon! That lasted about as long as Arthurs next bout of flatulence – she had to use something to clear the air. It was the most potent kind of smoke around.

buzzfail

#BuzzFAIL

Iona McTavish. No she wasn’t a major player in the Outlander world but you all know how important she is to us.  This lady resolved to get a new damned dress for the next gathering. How insulting of Mrs.Fitz!diana fitz Then she realized, SHE still fit into HER dress. HA! She would show them (Read, Mrs.Fitz)  and STILL fit into it at the NEXT gathering as well. BEASTLY woman!

#FEKITNotaFAIL

#FEKITNotaFAIL

Everyone loves them some good ole Rupert. Rupert is cuddly, soft, bearded, Angus’ best friend and Dougal’s right hand man. He wants to be more independent though. Wants to explore the world of Rupert. Find himself.

That’s Right.

Damned if he ended up under yet another juicy hen though. He doesn’t seem to mind. It is his happy place!

#GetLuckyFAIL

#GetLuckyFAIL

Our Dougal vowed to try and make his way out of Doucheville this year. Hmmmm.  We admit, with all the punching out his friends and hitting on his new niece-in-law, he was getting fair comfortable there. The start of his resolution he went on a wee trip out of Doucheville. However, we are afraid he took a wrong turn and ended up in Arseton.

Look out for holes Dougal!
Look out for holes Dougal!

 

#DIRECTIONFAIL

#DIRECTIONFAIL

The beasts are never safe with Angus around.

They shake in his presence. He decided that enough was enough. He would be sure  to stay outta the barns and leave them to their feed. Instead..he ended up too far into his cups one eve and found himself some bigger boots to hold ’em still…sheep

Yes, it must be why zippers were invented. So the wee beasties could hear them comin’…

OMFAIL

#OldMacDonaldFAIL EiEiOOOOOOOO

 

Laoghaire. We aren’t going to play the mean girl card and call her leghair or lo’whore or any of those other mean names people call her…SO rude!

She is just one failed resolution after another failed resolution. Since she was a wee hussy…I mean lassie. She has vowed to get tapped by JAMMF, why should this year be any different?  She resolved to do the same. Yet, she asked for help from the wrong herbnerd didn’t she? Ended up with a handful of horseshit.

Yup. She sure has a purdy mouf.

Yup. She sure has a purdy mouf.

She will keep trying though…stay tuned. Grumble Grumble.

#StinkyFAIL

#StinkyFAIL

We have gotten used to Mrs Fitz stealing the screen. Whether it’s greeting the boys when they return home, telling men of the cloth where to put their holy water, insulting great authors, or smacking errant visitors around (dream sequences or no – that shit freaked a lot of people out! It’s funny NOW)

We like Mrs.Fitz who keeps our blood pressure in check

We like Mrs.Fitz who keeps our blood pressure in check

She has obviously resolved to rule with an iron fist. We’d say she has done it – maybe she’ll try an iron pot next.

We do hope you realize that there are a lot of viewers with heart conditions or that are just wound extra tight (View most FB groups, it will take you seconds to spot them)…let’s not do anymore of that crazy stuff again. Stay the hero aye? I’m not sure WHO I’m talking to anymore…either way…that’s a random.dsw

 

Poor, Poor Jamie. His resolution is all about self preservation. JAMMF is really tired of getting his arse whooped. I mean wouldn’t you be? Go picking hay, run back to the house, get your ass whooped. Go to hall to watch…get your ass whooped. Sit around a fire eating some dinner, get your ass whooped. Go to prison…super get get your ass wholloped.

Don't you wanna just take him home and make it aaaaall better?

Don’t you wanna just take him home and make it aaaaall better?

He just wants to stop getting his ass handed to him whenever he turns around. BUT BUT BUTT.…He doesn’t get very far does he, the wee bugger?

Everyone has to wait for Wentworth to see….that’s a

#SuperDooperPooperEpicFAIL

#SuperDooperPooperEpicFAIL

There is the man that it all started with Frank Randall, he is the resolution king!  He is firm in his belief he WILL find his wife. She is out there somewhere.  He has beat himself up so much this year over her loss. Should he have paid more attention to her? She did, after all, disappear from right under his nose…he sure liked having her under his nose. He looked downtown and he looked uptown…He would not stop looking!frank

 

Oh Frank. This is NOT your year buddy. Just saying, and I don’t think things are gonna get much better. For a while. SPOILER. We are supposed to say that first aren’t we? Nuts.

#SearchFAIL

#SEARCHFAIL

 

Just so you are aware. There is no way I am making any resolutions. I am far too smart for that. I don’t set myself up for failure.

What us Heughliots do…we try our very best to be better people than we were yesterday…and we do that, everyday.

Being Kind is SEXY. Maybe creepy sexy but we don't mind. RAWR

Being Kind is SEXY. Maybe creepy sexy but we don’t mind. RAWR

We think that is the answer to having a better year. See? We aren’t just pretty faces. We are pretty friggen smart too!

What do you all think? Yes…of us being smart. No, ya wankers. Of resolutions or not…

This has been brought to you by us!

SL, Heughliot @Large

and the Grand Poobah  tlmfarmgirl with lots of support and a dram from @janzen77– she’s the pretty one.

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19 thoughts on “FAILANDER! Resolutions gone horribly wrong in the world of Outlander.

  1. Happy New Year to you all! Thanks for the laughs and for helping us all get through this LONG hiatus. So fun sharing the love of our beloved Outlander with you! Cheers!

    Like

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