It’s early ya say? Uh-huh. That’s what us Canadians do when we think we might get snowed in or some such nonsense. We take precautions and get stuff done. READ: So we can get our drink on.
So grab yourself snowbeer outta your snowfridge (It maybe a Canadian thing…it may not) and sing along.
We’re no dummies! Hold onto yer toques, cuz here we go!
Sing it with us...
ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY JAMIE GAVE TO MEEEEEEEEEE:
These lovely laddies are from the Seaforth Highlanders of Canada. They, are in fact based out of B.C. but they DO perform in Alberta. We are equal opportunity here with the Heughliots. Lots of B.C. fangirls. We are preachin it!
Honest- we were going to say something about 11 pipeliners…cuz you know. Oil n stuff…our Scottish friends – we have that in common, but politics – like unshaven legs, makes prickly bedfellows so, nope, not saying NUTHIN ’bout THAT!
Ten Redcoats fleeing
We know…We know…there are not 10 Red Coats in the picture. The way I see it, once the tears in your eyes blur your vision enough, it will LOOK like 10. I …can’t…stop…laughing.
Nine druids dancing
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ummm sure 8 & 9. Yup. Right there. Behind that stone.
Passed out. Bit drunk. Friends of Claire and let’s face it…any friend of Claire is a friend of ours.
Next Soberphobic meeting is at the Bothy…local pub,next month. Be there or be square! Naturally we must mention, The Bothy was voted one of THE top Bars in CANADA . Look ! All you have to do is google “Best Whisky Bar in Edmonton” the google machine does not lie. Right?
(See, it isn’t just Canadians that throw random “u”‘s in words.)
Waulking wool..wet…juicy wool. You know the pissy kind. It sets the dye faster.
Seven corns a grindin’
Grinding what? You might ask? Who, I might suggest.
We have the sweet Candy Corn. The Canned English Corned Beef. The 4 cobs of Corn…one looks a bit stunted in his niblets, does he not? Oh, we could not forget our Ole horn dog…*ahem* Corn Dog. (And that’s his stick! STICK. You dirty bunch of…)
Six; bad advice for laying
…frig knows Jamie got enough to pass on. Let’s see. Where shall we start?
6– Go as fast as ya can. Get it over with! FOREPLAY is a word…a long word for a reason. *Bad Advice Rating- 8 STARS*
5– Always do it from behind. Granted, the faces ya all make can be a bit of a turn off, we do like to kiss your faces and sometimes you look super cute. *Bad Advice Rating -5 STARS- from behind is sometimes fun*
4– Don’t take your shirt or boots off. No one wants to see you naked. The reason our happy parts are so far down is so we can have fun taking our clothes off to get to them. SHEESH! *Bad Advice Rating- 7 STARS- Socks are a different story in Canada in the winter…effin cold out there.*
3– Don’t talk during sex. It’s distracting. Pardon? This might be the most important time to communicate. That hurts. That feels good. Stop that. Do that more. *Bad Advice Rating -7 Stars- If you are talking about whats on the TO-DO list for tomorrow…and it isn’t me, then we have a problem.*
2– Stay in one position. Don’t move. That’s a sure fire way to get a cramp. Switch it up. Get creative. Be the twister of the bed sheets. *Bad Advice Rating -8 Stars- That kinda non-action can be …yawn…pretty boring…monotony in the bedroom…no fun.
1– Spit on it. JUST NO. *Bad Advice Rating -100 Stars- JUST NO!
…and yes…we KNOW shots are WAY more than drams but – this was way more fun.
We took bets would Tammy pull a “Jamie on a boat”, or would Tammy not pull a “Jamie on a boat”. We MEAN PUKE…*sigh* … can’t say any damn thing around you people. She didn’t. Sweet Jezuz was the ride home interesting though!
Four Calling Clansmen
– or women in a parkling lot after a party- ya know…whateves.
There were no Heughliots hurt in the making of this video. Except maybe feelings.
Three French Hooooooors
We might not be french but we are a reasonable facsimile for the other thing.
Hey we’re Canadian – Our porn is on the national geoGRAPHICside. Unshaved beavers EVERYWHERE. If you thought…for 2 seconds, you were going to get through this CANADIAN blog…without seeing or hearing about beavers, that is your own fault. Remember…fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice, shame on me…fool me three times… it must be CHRISTMAS. Besides, its Toger. THE cutest damn beaver in history. He even has a story.
And a pearl necklace draped o’er ME
Yes. Me. We understand that “ME” means you…and YOU…and YOU. WE…get it.
We certainly hope you enjoyed the HEUGHLIOTS take on the 12 days of Christmas. We were early for Thanksgiving. We brought #Droughtlander to you. We only thought it right the 12 days be a smidge early too.
Nollaig chridheil agus bliadhna mhath ùr!!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
From the Heughliots of ALBERTA
ALL 167 locals that is
Please feel free to comment. We read everything #AssumingPositiveIntent so even if you are trying to be mean…it will only stick to you-